MY FIRST LOVE©

             Written by Arose N Daghetto

Your memory is strong

to this declining mind.

You introduced yourself to me

in my classroom

by chanting my name

across the ABC’s

that lined my teacher’s chalkboard.

When I walked alone

on the school playground

you made recess more meaningful

by stimulating my imagination

It was you who gave me favor

by convincing Miss Sanmartino

to let me have my choice

of storybooks to read

from the polished collection

she had displayed on her desk,

enticing me everyday.

You knew the woman

who waited patiently for me

to get what I needed from my childhood

So I could float like a butterfly in adolescence

and sting like a bee as a teen drama queen

In order to take the crown she held for me

and stick each of my hands into her sleeves,

hunch her over my shoulders,

and wear her identity proudly

because I am old enough to understand

what real intimacy is all about

and how to take control

when I needed to take control.

You brought tears to my eyes

because you chose me

you knew me

you believed in me

and you fought to set me free.

I cry…

I cry because I’m hallow.

My giants outnumber me

they’re taking you away from me

my environment keeps running you away from me.

The tree falls and falls in the woods

but no one hears the sound.

I’m fighting forever

just to keep you in my clutch

the same way you fought forever

to set me free.

I’m trying to revive

that sacred relationship we once had

but you’re slipping away from me.

I look up to God for answers

But he’s not talking to me at the moment.

I don’t know what else to do.

They say love comes and goes

like friends do

But I never thought that way about you

I thought you’d be here to stay.

I cry more these days…

sometimes I wail

when bitter weeps don’t do justice

for my confused emotions…

Who am I without you?

Nothing.

I played by everyone’s rules

because I was told that was,

“The responsible thing to do”.

My honoring their wishes

didn’t make me a superstar,

it made me a superfailure

I sung heroic themes for everyone I knew.

Who would have thought my singing

would leave me unsung?

Surely I’d see the pot of gold by now,

but instead I just see a pot of pig knuckles

and some oxtails

doing a fire dance

on my second hand stove.

My love,

I cannot revert to that little girl again

and relive my childhood

so I can do things differently

and even if I could

it wouldn’t  guarantee

that I’d make good of the dream

you invested in me.

You were my first

and only love.

As I close this ceremony

exhausted with tears,

I lay you into the earth 

to bury you

as my last love…

Lucky will be the next little girl

to enter your embrace

in the next lifetime.

 

Poem (not picture) © Copyright 2011 by Arose N Daghetto for Quiet Storm Enterprise.

All Rights Reserved.